I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
