every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
