I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
