How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
