i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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