Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
