So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
