we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
