he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
