im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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