Betty ford says i'm here all night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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