She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
