A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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