Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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