I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
