so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
