he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
