Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
