Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
