Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
