I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
