is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
