well you can't waste a boner
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
