I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
