I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
