can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
