I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
