last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
