she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
