My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
