first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
