Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
