Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
