I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
