Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Everyone says I win the strip club
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
