were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
