Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
