Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
