put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
