Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
