You made me cry and you don't even care
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
