My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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