If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
