woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
