So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
