Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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