So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
