Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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