Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
