yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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