will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
