I want to walk on stilts...naked
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
